Tag Archives: Humour

Alexa, Write Me A Humourous Blog Post

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Remember 5 years ago when Apple released Siri and everybody thought it was amazing?

For 2 minutes.

Which was the time it took to realise that Siri:

a/ Didn’t understand what the hell you were saying half the time.
b/ Was embarrassing to use in public. “Siri, is my mole cancerous?” Continue reading Alexa, Write Me A Humourous Blog Post

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Spending Time in a Florida Library

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In an attempt to be more productive with my job search and to get myself out of the house, I’ve been spending a lot of time at the library over these past six months.

The Library of My Expectations is close to heaven. A silent place, with comfortable chairs – plenty of back support, soft pillows. Every book I’d ever want, easily accessible, always in stock. Maybe even a cafe with giant muffins that also sells decent cups of tea. Continue reading Spending Time in a Florida Library

Living with 5 Cats, 2 Dogs, 1 Bird, 8 Fish and 4 Humans


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Since I moved to America a few months ago, I’ve been unable to work. It takes months for a work visa to be processed and in that time I can’t leave the country, or do much of anything really. To save on costs, my wife and I have been living with her parents and brother.

It doesn’t matter as much as you’d think. Most houses in America are huge in comparison to the UK. Living with other people isn’t a problem. If you need some time alone you can sulk off to your own wing of the house and pretend that nobody is there with you.

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Ninja cat lies in wait to scare the crap out of me.

When it becomes a problem, is when you also have enough animals in the house to open a petting zoo. My wife’s family seems to collect animals like most people collect useless kitchen appliances. Instead of an ice cream maker they’ll only use twice, they get a new cat. Instead of a popcorn machine, a dog. When you have as many cats as they do, it probably seems like something you buy regularly. “Hey, don’t forget to stop by the store on the way home and get a new cat!” “Cat food. You mean cat food, right?” “No no, I mean a cat.” Continue reading Living with 5 Cats, 2 Dogs, 1 Bird, 8 Fish and 4 Humans

Getting Annoyed by Tourists at Lake Tekapo

It seems to be a general rule on New Zealand’s South Island, that the further South you get, the more tourists there are. Or rather, the closer you get to a location from the Lord of the Rings, the greater the amount of people you’ll see. Either way, as you travel south the amount of tourists continues to grow.

We got our first real taste of the negative energy of other tourists when we found ourselves in Lake Tekapo early one afternoon. With its turquoise blue water, hemmed in by mountains on almost all sides, Lake Tekapo is an obvious lure for tourists. Add to that the fact that it’s slap bang in the middle of a dark sky reserve – perfect for star watching – and it’s almost too much to resist.

Continue reading Getting Annoyed by Tourists at Lake Tekapo

The Sound of Insanity

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For the past 10 days, I’ve been living out of a tent in New Zealand. Tonight, I’ve decided to splash some cash and stay in a lodge. Radiators, electric blankets, hot showers, windows and walls. Ah, windows and walls. How I have missed you.

Before bed, I look out of the window of my room with a warm hot chocolate in hand. Outside the wind is blowing a gale, the wooden walls of the lodge creak from the strain. Rain pelts the window pane creating a musical composition of peacefulness. I get into bed, my comfort increased simply by knowing it’s so cold outside. The patter of rain drops pulls me immediately into a deep sleep.

In that deep sleep I stay until 4am. The wind has died down, the world is completely silent and black. I dream of climbing trees, passing through clouds. A thick duvet is wrapped around me and a small smile lies on my face. I may not be conscious, but I’m enjoying this sleep, this is the best sleep of my-

WAHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Continue reading The Sound of Insanity

Cute Korean Kids

The greatest thing about being in your 20s is that you still have the opportunity to be a hypocrite. I’ve often thought that it’s fine for me to be wrong about things because I’m still deciding how I feel about them. Once you get older, once you’ve experienced the world, you should probably know better than to have ridiculous opinions. Being young gives you a free pass – you can be as wrong as you like and get out of it later by claiming “I was young and naive back then!”

One thing I was perhaps wrong about is children.

Children. Ugh, children. The only thing worse than children is parents. Parents. Ugh, parents. Children and parents equal one thing: pride. Is there anything more sickening than pride?

Continue reading Cute Korean Kids