Like everybody else in the world, I’ve spent the last few weeks obsessively watching the Olympics on TV. No doubt like many other people, I’ve also been thinking, “Bloody hell, has it been four years already?” As with any regular event, it serves as a reminder of time passing by. Continue reading An Olympic Rant
Before leaving for a new life in America, I believed that moving here would be easy. Over the last two months I’ve found the adjustment to be anything but.
Numerous people back home told me how envious they were about my moving to America. To them, the idea of living in the USA reminds them of past holidays. Great food, good weather, good beer, cheap shopping. No worries. Continue reading Adjusting to Life in America
The biggest annoyance of science is that the stronger it gets, the more we as people are forced to live with the truth. Our lives are meaningless and we will all eventually succumb to our own mortality.
This week in the news I read about how the ice is melting even faster in the Antarctic, a cause for some concern. Usually I don’t like to comment on current affairs on this blog because as soon as I publish the post my post will become outdated. Thankfully this news article isn’t the first time and wont be the last time I’ll read about how the whole world is fucked and we’re all going to suffer.
Right now it’s the polar ice caps melting. Next week it’ll be global warming. The following month it’ll be a super-volcano in Yellowstone erupting or possibly a giant meteor from space coming to destroy us all.
It was just my second week of working in a hagwon when my headmaster said we needed to talk.
We moved into a small classroom, large Lego bricks scattered on the floor. The only place to sit was in tiny chairs for toddlers. Our knees were pressed up into our chests as we looked across at each other. I would have laughed if the headteacher didn’t look so serious. She stared at me intently, her lip quivering. She took a deep breath.
“I’ve actually been very upset with you this week. Very angry.” Immediately I was taken aback. My mind raced, my stomach tightened. What had I done?
On its surface Bangkok is a city that is defined by its roads and food. In Bangkok it is either rush hour or rushier hour, either breakfast time, lunch time, dinner time or supper time.
Everywhere you go food exists, in restaurants, bars, malls. The city is paved with food stalls. Eating is so intertwined with life that it’s hard to tell when one meal ends and the next begins. Life is like one long feast to Thais, all they seem to do is smile and eat. Smile and eat. And take taxis.
The greatest thing about being in your 20s is that you still have the opportunity to be a hypocrite. I’ve often thought that it’s fine for me to be wrong about things because I’m still deciding how I feel about them. Once you get older, once you’ve experienced the world, you should probably know better than to have ridiculous opinions. Being young gives you a free pass – you can be as wrong as you like and get out of it later by claiming “I was young and naive back then!”
One thing I was perhaps wrong about is children.
Children. Ugh, children. The only thing worse than children is parents. Parents. Ugh, parents. Children and parents equal one thing: pride. Is there anything more sickening than pride?
A few weeks ago, I wrote about pooping in Korea. The post was a great success. The immediate effect of this popularity was a lot of new followers to my blog. That buzz of activity has long since passed, but the long-term consequence of my poop post’s popularity is that I now seem to get a lot of new poop people popping to my page.
In short: a lot of people seem to be searching on Google for poop and finding their way to my website. Handily, I can use the WordPress statistics tool to find out what search term they’ve used to arrive at my site. Some of these search terms are so purile, so disgusting, so shameful that they shouldn’t ever be shared.
Butttttt they’re also quite amusing. So I’m going to share some of them anyway.
“pooping” – Simple. Classic. A person that just wanted some normal old pooping. Possibly a 6 year old who thinks they’re hilarious.
“guys pooping together” – Nothing says bromance like having a poop with your friend.
“see my girlfriend pooping” – This guy is so proud of his girlfriend he wants to share her poops.
“japanese pooping close up” – Somebody is sick of watching Japanese people pooping from afar.
“korean big booty girl pooping” – A man who really knows what he likes. Japanese girls with small booties probably disgust him.
Now it would be so easy to mock these people (I kind of just did) but chances are that if you’re reading this you’re probably a fan of pooping in some way. Let me say first – good for you. You know what you like and you’re not afraid to search Google for it.
Secondly, let me also apologise, you clearly came to my blog looking for sexy pooping, but instead you found a silly story about trying to relieve oneself in a kindergarten. It pains me that my blog may have led to disappointment, so let me make it up to you by sharing another true story of poopage. Let us call this tale:
The Stool Sample