For my second podcast, I decided to speak with a good friend, George. When I asked what he’d like to talk about, he said existential crises. Which was great because it’s something I’ve written about on my blog in the past. Multiple times.
Funnily enough the podcast caused its own mini crisis. When I was coming to the end of editing it, I realised the sound quality was nowhere near what I was happy with. The thought of uploading it was almost too much to bear. Surely all my friends would laugh at me and think I’m a useless amateur. I should just quit the podcasting business right now.
Then I remembered that I am an amateur and it’s only my second podcast…so I decided to go a little easier on myself. I’m sure the quality will improve. Plus, in 100 years nobody will give a shit anyway! One of the benefits of thinking about your own pointless existence.
Anyway, if you listen, tell me what you think. Have you ever experienced an existential crisis? Do you know how to pronounce the plural of crisis (crises?) because I sure don’t!
Listen to the podcast on my website or through the links below:
It’s been almost three months since my last blog post.
I’ve been feeling uninspired. Low on energy. Lacking the motivation to write.
A voice in my head speaks:
Uh oh. I know what that means. You’re not doing too good, Dan.
Moving to America has (and continues to be) one of the biggest challenges of my life. I thought it would be easy. But I overestimated my resilience to tough situations.
While I was back home in England, I was pretty miserable. Working a job I hated – nothing meaningful on the horizon. I turned 30 and realised more than ever that I was years behind my peers in terms of wealth, status and generally sorting my life out. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been waiting for years for my life to actually start.
When you’re in this position, it’s easy to fall into a trap.
Seven or so years ago, I was at university and severely depressed. I could barely peel myself out of bed in the morning, I didn’t have the energy for anything. Going to the kitchen to make breakfast was like climbing a mountain, so most days I didn’t bother. It was easier to starve. Eventually, the hunger would become too painful and only then would I stumble to make a sandwich. I was completely unmotivated.
If I had to describe myself with a word, it would be, “Meh.” A word for somebody with passion, “Woohoo!” I think of them running through life. A person full of energy, grabbing the world with both hands and shaking it.
Around a week ago now, our plane took off from Christchurch and we watched as New Zealand disappeared beneath our feet.
After our 11 months in New Zealand, it started to feel a lot like home. However, it seemed like we had explored it all and that it had no more secrets. Like an on old lover, we’d gone through the honeymoon phase and were now completely in the comfort phase. We’d stopped trying so hard to explore the country, preferring to spend our days sitting in our pjyamas with it, being lazy.
We learnt to love New Zealand in the end, but as so often happens we found ourselves falling into a dull routine. It was about the right time to head to Australia. I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to New Zealand, does it have any more to offer us? Maybe we’ll miss it in future on lonely nights. Homesick for a place that’s not even our home.
Now we find ourselves in Australia. A new place. A new home?
Despite this blog having the name Anxious Travelers, you’ve probably noticed that recently there has been a lot more said about travel than anxiety. There’s a reason for this. For me, anxiety isn’t an ever present thing. It comes and goes. One day it’s on my shoulders, dragging me down. Then it’s gone for a while, waiting for the next moment to pounce.
When we arrived in New Zealand eight months ago, I was in one of my positive periods. Nothing in life bothered me, I was happy – or happy enough. Things were going great. We’d arrived in this new beautiful place, we had healthy bank accounts and everybody spoke English. Hallelujah!
As time has gone on, things have started to take a downturn.