On Goals and Life Problems

It’s been almost three months since my last blog post.

I’ve been feeling uninspired. Low on energy. Lacking the motivation to write.

A voice in my head speaks:

Uh oh. I know what that means. You’re not doing too good, Dan.

I agree.

Moving to America has (and continues to be) one of the biggest challenges of my life. I thought it would be easy. But I overestimated my resilience to tough situations.

While I was back home in England, I was pretty miserable. Working a job I hated – nothing meaningful on the horizon. I turned 30 and realised more than ever that I was years behind my peers in terms of wealth, status and generally sorting my life out. Sometimes it feels like I’ve been waiting for years for my life to actually start.

When you’re in this position, it’s easy to fall into a trap.

We focus on a goal in our future and we believe it will unlock every problem in our life:

If I get a new job – then I’ll be content.

If I make more money – then I’ll feel more respected.

If I buy a house – I’ll feel more settled.

In my case:

If I move to America – then I’ll be happy.

Just jump on the plane, land in America and everything would be fine. I’ll be with Jamie again and that’s what matters. Then I’ll be happy again. 

That’s what I was thinking.

The issue with this is that it’s so short-sighted. We fail to see all the other problems that are creeping towards us. Our determined focus on one goal leaves us blind to everything else – until it’s almost too late.

When I landed in America for a time I was happy. But only one of my problems had been solved – being away from Jamie. Every other problem lingered, waiting.

It’s been almost six months since I moved here. In that time, I’ve come no closer to solving many of my problems. In truth, I’ve been stuck in limbo.

Unable to drive – or get a license – thus stuck at home. Unable to work – thus stuck at home. Unable to do much more than be stuck at home really.

I’ve been powerless. Goal-less. Unable to solve any problem even if I wanted to. All I’ve had is time to dwell, feel negatively about myself and my future.

A person without any goals has no real reason to get up in the morning. No purpose.

Which brings us full circle to the start of my post.

Feeling uninspired. Low on energy. Lacking motivation.

Uh oh. I know what that means. You’re not doing too good, Dan.

I’m not right now. But things are slowly coming together. My work authorization was recently approved. Which also allowed me to get a learners driving permit.

Finally, I have some goals. Learn to drive. Get a job. That’s it for now. But it gives me some purpose.

The downside is that lack of resilience I mentioned. After months of negative brooding, it’s much harder to tackle goals. I’ve found myself in a negative space. Full of self-pity (Duh! You’ve read this post.)

I’m now forced to confront those other issues that I’ve long neglected:

Figuring out what to do with my life. Learning to believe in myself. Trying my best not to compare myself to others.

Some goals create problems all on their own.

I only hope these problems will resolve over time.

Maybe a blind hope. But a hope at least.

P.S. I’m wondering what my readers’ current goals are and whether they think these goals are realistic and how they effect their present mindset. Do you believe goals are important? And do you know what problems you have with your life and how to fix them? Comment below!

9 thoughts on “On Goals and Life Problems”

  1. hey dude, i am not a very “successful” person, i dont have many ambitions in life, i live out of england now too and i too have and continue to go through very similar anxieties and worries that you are having.
    i work here in peru, i am married now, we have our own place, i drive (although sometimes i wish i didnt, worst drivers in the world peruvians!) and for a time attaining these things was fun and made me feel more settled and comfortable, but after a while when it becomes the norm again i find myself with the same worries of inadequacy, uselessness, especially since i work for my wife, im not a very macho person but it does make one feel a little bit like a bitch!
    so youre not the only one brother, but i do find having goals or even small future plans, like taking trips, or going to concerts often helps ( for me anyways)

    so in a nutshell i think people like us are doomed to find problems in things, and when we do find contentment it isnt long before those feeling creep in again….
    ah fuck ive just depressed myself again! thanks for that! haha
    time for a beer

    1. Haha. Doesn’t sound like you’re quite the glass half full kind of guy, Cristopher.

      I think I may agree with you somewhat about how doomed we are. Maybe life is just too boring for us, so we find the need to create this existential drama for ourselves to give us something to do.

      It’s hard to enjoy routine. Even the word routine makes me want to scream. But I think we possibly have to admit to ourselves it’s simply part of life. Or maybe we just need a little therapy to help us to change how we think about it. But it’s hard to be grateful for what you have sometimes.

      Worrying about being in a routine eventually becomes part of the routine of life. It may be better to eradicate it somewhat. But also, maybe it’s a good thing as it’s like a message that we need to change something?

  2. All is well.Not all puzzles are finished in a day.Life is constantly changing.As soon as we reach our goal we set a new one.Just enjoy whatever you can enjoy today and the rest will fall into place.I lived in 3 different countries.I figured in all those years its best to enjoy the good,ignore the less good and try your best to feel good.have good feeling thoughts as much as you can.(22 years Germany,12 years France,16 years Israel = me).Blessings and all the best

    1. You’re right about not all puzzle being finished in a day. Another problem really. Expecting immediate results and impatience aren’t good for you! Or never enjoying what you have now because you’re not where you’re not at the place where you want to be (in the future.) Well said. Thanks for the comment.

  3. I understand your frustration when you feel you’ve held yourself back and are far behind your peers. I am in the same situation. The key is to change your perception, always try to be optimistic. There’s no race or deadline in life, every individual has their own path and lessons to learn in life. Perhaps your experiences travelling around the world and teaching where more enriching for your soul and spirit than working a 9-5 job you hate and paying off a mortgage while trying to make ends meet and still save money.

    Do what makes you happy. Nowadays we live in a gigging economy. Do what you love and hopefully money will be a byproduct. If you believe in something strong enough it will manifest. The worst part is probably the external environment which can often be very demotivating, but as long as you set some small goals (take baby steps) every single day, get something done, you will feel a good sense of accomplishment, then slowly everything will start to pave the path you’re after in life.

    Keep your head and your spirits up! And smile 🙂

    1. Thanks for the positive comment. I think I know these things. But there’s a difference between knowing them and actually putting them into practice!

      Many of us know what would be good for us, but do the opposite due to habit or other factors. Or fear prevents us from taking action.

      I think most of our issues are based on perception or situation. Hopefully in my case I’ll manage to change both! I have done it before, but as I said in my post – this has been way more challenging.

      1. Underscoring a new goal? But then aren’t goals supposed to be scored rather than underscored? And when you score them, there is the danger of being hugged and kissed by a group of your own sex, and having ears assaulted with lots of shouting.

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